amuse_box | The Pirate AU Meme

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pirate au meme

The Pirate AU Meme - slightly extended

(Pirate AU Meme)

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1. Boarded: Your ship has been boarded, and as captain you've been captured! Better hope the other captain gives quarter. Alternatively, it's a nice warm day for a swim. That plank was made for walking.

2. Victory: You've captured another ship! You knew those extra cannons would come in handy. And let's hope they've got lots of swag! Where's the captain? Are you the decent sort, or are you going to rub their face in it for a bit?

3. Swab the decks: You're a cabin boy! It's a good thing you don't mind doing all the dirty work, right? Anyway, the captain's calling; better see what they want.

4. Marooned: For a bit there you'd thought you were in Davy's Jones' grip, but somehow you've washed ashore with the driftwood. As you stare dazedly up from the surf, you have questions. Where are you? And who's that already on the shore?

5. Buried Treasure: Sink me! You've really found the mother lode. . . but you're not the only one. Who gets to take the treasure back to their ship? Better make sure it's you.

6. Rum: Rum, everywhere.

7. Swordfight: It's that person you can't stand! And they've taken your most valuable possession, that one of a kind thing you just can't live without! Better get that trinket back before it and your nemesis are gone over the side forever. Let's hear some swashes buckling.

8. Mutiny: The tack is full of maggots and this drinking water may as well have come from the gutter. There's one person to blame for this, and you're here to make especially sure that they pay for it. The captain does always seem to take the best treasure before everybody else.

9. Kidnapping: Don't they look rather peaceful, innocent even, sleeping so soundly there with their fancy nightclothes and pillows. Brings a tear to your eye, it does. Better take them aboard and send for a ransom.

10. Take a Gamble: Gotta spend your loot somehow, but it must have been the rum that had you bettin' everything at once! You've lost to your hornswagglin' shipmate; what did you lose, and what will they make you do now?

11. Under the Sea: You are now a Mermaid/Merman! That sailor over there sure looks appealing; let's see if you can lure them in with your charms. Don't forget that they can't breathe under water! You do seem to always forget, don't you. . .

12. Enemy from the Deep: What was that? Did you feel that? An unseen enemy is about to take this ship swiftly to the bottom of the ocean. Giant squid, enormous whales, sea serpents . . . hope you make it.

13. The Doldrums: Can you say cabin fever? The sails haven't moved in weeks. You're about seeing if your mates can relieve this awful boredom. And hopefully find some food and water. Don't squabble over it, now.

14. The Brig: Something you did has gotten you imprisoned in the very depths of this ship. How long until you see your next meal? When you see who put you here again, you'll make them pay. Hold on, maybe there's someone else here too.

OR

Make up your own! Arrrrr!
meme by

tropospheres and

pandarosi

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Calliope's eccentric, yeah, but who wouldn't be after getting all sunstruck and deformed! While Roxy had been slow to the skullfaced girl with the moodswings and the rickey soothsayer shack in water as thick as magma, the Lalonde girl's quickly become fixated on Calliope's visions. They weren't visions, she read them somewhere, like she could see them somehow in a book? It was complicated, and Roxy was pretty wasted for that part. The message was clear though. There were distant relations to the pirates of legend, the revolutionaries who'd nearly ripped down the Condesce's flag from the shores, freed the seas. It was because of that Roxy and Dirk had been raised knowing they were the ancestors of those executed authorities of bringing down the man. But now Calliope's painting a picture of some rivals, some brats who could usurpt that position and claim it as their own. Dirk thought they could collaborate. Roxy had less than amiable thoughts regarding their newfound breathern.

It took a while, but they'd finally tracked the pair down. Dirk suggested knocking them unconscious and scooping them up from there. No point going through the trouble of a stealthy breaking and entering just to make a racket on the way out. This wasn't a rape and pillage excursion (although those were Roxy's favorite!! excluding the one where they give back to the poor and all that) But with Dirk apprehending the boy, that leaves Roxy free range to obtain the girl however she saw fit. And Roxy isn't really one for subtly.

The girl is very cute. But all girls are when they're napping in a soft little girl bed, with cute little cats and lots and lots of books littered around. It's the room of a girl with lots of hobbies and talents. With lots of people there who probably care about her. This only makes Roxy want to disembowel her more.

She slaps one hand over the girl's mouth, ripping back the bedclothes with the other. Not the gentlest of awakenings! But hey, why not make this a little bit like her kind of pirate excursion. ]

[Rose wasn't particularly thrilled with this oceanic excursion. that wasn't to say that she didn't love the sea - to the contrary, the water was one of her favorite places to linger by. but the situation which had prompted this specific voyage was enough to sour her muted enthusiasm; her mother had finally scraped together the shreds of her remaining common sense and remarried before her drunkenness lost them whatever was left of their fortune.

and so her new 'family' (she still refused to acknowledge her stepfather and brother as anything remotely sincere) loaded all of their possessions onto a ship and began sailing for the Strider manor, leaving the beloved mansion Rose had grown up in to languish in the isolated hills. it made her blood boil to think of how carelessly her mother had surrendered her familial home.

but those were daytime thoughts; she understood the need for a good night's sleep and had drifted off to the soothing rocking of the ship as it cut through the waves. she was a light sleeper, prone to waking at the smallest disturbance; however Roxy was almost nonexistent as she crept towards her bed and so the only notice she was given of the intruder was the hand over her mouth and the sheets flying off her.

she can't see whoever has her, but assumes that it's either her new parental figure or Dave attempting yet another bizarre family tradition. well, she wasn't going to have any of that. almost instantly she bites down as hard as she can on the hand obstructing her mouth, intent on drawing blood and teaching those idiotic Striders a lesson about privacy.]

[ Holy shit it bites! For a second Roxy's not sure if she grabbed a girl or a cat, fuck me, that hurts. Indignant shriek at being bit, Roxy reels back before bringing her hand back down again. This time with less of an intention to silence her and more to slap the shit out of this punk. Dirk better not be having this trouble. ]

[that shriek definitely doesn't belong to either Strider, although if it were a single pitch lower that probably could have been Dave. it's enough to get Rose to spin around in her bed to face the intruder, taking the slap to her shoulder rather than her face.

her eyebrows shoot up because this is almost painfully obviously a pirate. the filthy woman practically reeks of it in unpleasantly familiar ways. she scoots back in the bed, tone calm as she feels around for the letter opener lost somewhere with her books.]

That was more than a little sloppy.

[ Hey. She's not as drunk as she could be!! Dirk put a stop to that early in the evening. and she's only a little filthy! If you ask her, the chick is entirely too clean. All prim and cute in little bedclothes with her hair so adorable and familiar. Wait, familiar? Nah, scratch that.

Roxy rolls her eyes that the girl uses this free moment to criticize rather than scream for help. ]

Right, a real pro would've slit your throat and gave themselves a pat on the back. C'mon.

[ And now she has a gun, because even if you're on a simple kidnapping mission, it doesn't hurt to be armed. Knowing Di-Strider, he's probably got sword to the boy's throat now, threatening him with the same promise Roxy is about to make. (This is true because they rehearsed it together in case the kids put up a fight.) ]

So, this is pretty much how it goes. You come with us, don't make a fuss and everybody wins. You put up a fight and you still come with us, but not before we kill everybody on board in front of you. [ Cocks the gun audibly, barrel pointed down the bed at the adorable little girl Roxy wants to fucking waste. ]

What's the plan, cuteness?

You probably shouldn't have assumed I was unduly fond of the current cast of characters on board.

[the reply is sardonic but Rose is sizing up the gun and her odds in her mind. her mother hadn't allowed her any sort of weapon for as long as she could remember because 'ladies did not fight' (the one reason she'd been going along calmly with the move - Dave had promised to teach her fencing) which mean that the only defense she had against being abducted was the daggerlike letter opener firmly in her hand and obscured by the rumpled bedsheets.

not exactly a fair matchup against a gun. but she didn't intend to simply go down meekly. if she kept this bluff up long enough maybe she could maneuver herself into an advantageous position.

and if not, well. she could always test the woman's reflexes. she seemed intent on taking her alive, something that could work to Rose's favor.]

I do hope that you have cohorts to help you round everyone up; it's a rather large ship.

[ They didn't practice anything beyond that part. Dirk pretty much hammered that into her head with the order, the demand, the plea that Roxy doesn't talk to the chick. Do not engage. Knock her out, drag her out, we can have a family reunion later, okay, preferably when we walk them off the plank, but for fuck's sake, Lalonde, do not let it stall for time by talking. ]

We got that covered.

[ Jerks the gun to the side, indicating Rose better get up sooner rather than later. When that doesn't produce immediate results (faster than immediate, Roxy has the patience of an infant), she reaches forward with the unarmed hand, going for a fistful of Rose's hair to wrench her to her feet. ]

Somehow I seriously doubt that.

[Rose instinctively grabs onto the hand pulling at her hair, grip digging in as tightly as she can. in a flash of inspiration she decides to attempt something a little more daring - still hanging onto Roxy's wrist she deliberately falls off the bed, hoping to take the would-be kidnapped with her and have a fair shot at grabbing that gun.

either that or the woman remains upright and get her wrist broken from the dead weight pulling on it. both options were perfectly fine in her mind.]

[ Annnnnd down both the girls go. Roxy yelps in protest at this move- she's a sneaky bitch, this one- and brings the butt of the pistol down hard against the offending girl's stupid fucking face. She is not gonna be bested by some half brained, spoiled brat, new chick who just so happens to share the same ancestry as her. ]

You sneaky little- I hope Dirk's gutting your little boyfriend right now!

[Rose grunts at the blow and lashes out with the letter opener, blinking the spots out of her eyes. if Roxy wants to take her it's going to have to be dead, because she refuses to move herself. stubbornness must run in the bloodline.]

What a horrible mental image, my having relations with a future brother. Truly piracy distorts the mind to unrecognizable dimensions.

[ Pained little hiss when the point drags through the skin of her arm. Roxy, while only a few years old than Rose, outweighs her by enough to shoulder all her body weight against the girl, pressing her to the floor, pinning this sneering, jerk body beneath hers. Can't use the gun for much other than an empty threat, but it can't be comfortable- a barrel to her temple when she presses an arm down against Rose's neck.

They've made enough noise so far, she she keeps her voice low. ]

The closest thing you've got to family is who you just tried to stab.

[ Blood from the eariler wound oozes down Roxy's arm, dripping onto Rose's collar. ]

[her breath comes out in ragged wheezes, struggling to make it through the blockade the arm to her throat presents. her eyes are narrowed and filled with utter loathing, something which carries through quite clearly in her tone despite the ragged quality.]

Believe me, I'm not someone you'd want to claim relation to.

[she's got a lot of disadvantages right now, but what does she really have to lose? with a pained gasp she forces her head up against the pressure on her neck to try and give Roxy a big headbutt]

[ Roxy tries to flinch away in time, but still takes the force of the attack right in the center of her skull. Keeps her grip on her gun (cause she might be drunk, but she's not an idiot) but rolls back off of Rose, dazed from the blow. See, Roxy, this is why you don't talk to the kids! ]

[Rose is seeing stars as well, but she knows that she's got to act fast. with a huge shuddering breath (oh my god air yes) she rolls over onto her knees and lashes out with the letter opener again, this time aiming to imbed it in one of Roxy's legs and severely impede her movement.

it'll make staggering for the door so much easier, quite honestly.]

[ Realizes at the last possible second what this chick is about to do! Short cry in alarm, yanks her leg out of the way and tries to kick Rose square in the flat chest. All right, this is enough of amateur hour fighting, time to try her own fucking tactic. ]

Holy shit! Fine! We won't kill them! Just chill out! What the fuck?? Not like I want to do this anyway.

[Rose skitters to the side just fast enough to get kicked in the shoulder rather than the chest. she clutches the opener in her hand, expression a mix of disdain and disbelief]

Then feel free to use the door at any time. I promise it won't hit you on the way out.

[ Inspecting the cut on her arm- nothing major. Little scoff of disbelief that she's supposed to drop it that easy. ]

Shit, I wish I could. But it's really important we take you kids along on a super fun magic adventure to overthrow a dictatorship because it's all of our destinies.

[ What? Mostly true. ]

[Rose gives a very unladylike snort at that]

Ah yes, how could I have ever assumed differently? That's the usual and completely plausible intent of all nighttime intruders.

[ Smirk. ]

You're right, it's way more probable we want to kidnap you for your glowing personality and ample rack.

[wow excuse you she's like thirteen and not everyone is a hormonal freak?]

Considering the absolutely stellar business decisions I've seen you make so far tonight, that assumption wouldn't be entirely out of the question.

[ Welcome to piracy, kid. ]

And you can cross ransom off the list since as far as I know, your mom and step dad are being offed as we speak, but hey. If you wanna keep being a little bitch to me when I can easily leave you with a ship full of corpses, be my fucking guest. How much do you know about sailing?

[fuck that, she's waiting for the fairies]

Enough to know that the indiscriminate slaughter of several high-ranking nobles is enough to ensure that you and whoever else is dense enough to take on this little quest will be dancing the hangman's jig in short order. Bounties are so tempting to a poor community of sailors.

[she examines her nails, tone implying complete boredom with the conversation. the thought of her relations being killed riles her up on the inside, but she knows better than to betray it.]

That's assuming that my mother hasn't fallen overboard in the time it took to subdue Strider, of course.

[ Starts, thinking for a moment she means her Strider rather than the others. Fuck, this is confusing. Shakes her head to clear it, points the gun back to Rose. ]

You can be as much of a smarty-pants as you want kid. But my partner's a lot more convincing than me, so I can guarantee your "brother" or whatever is leaving with us. You can stay here and figure out how to make this ship anything other than dead in the water without a crew, though.

You're free to have him, if you can stomach his presence for more than a few moments. [she waves a hand dismissively, coincidentally the one holding the letter opener. you know, just a small reminder about how great brandishing that gun went for Roxy the last time.]

I believe that I'll take my chances on the supposedly future ghost ship, as you haven't exactly given me any reason to believe that your threat is credible.

[ Why does she have to be so difficult! She's as stubborn as Dirk, but twice as annoying. Growls low in her throat, pocketing the gun and nodding to the door behind her. ]

Fine. Let's go see some dead bodies.

9 - hope this is okay!! also hello again

hello hello. and of course it's ok!

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